Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Mio's Top 10: Top 10 Hockey Lingo Terms (Chirps, if you will)

I will turn this over to Mio, with his first ever Mio's Top Ten.

Top 10 Hockey Lingo Terms (Chirps, if you will)

10. Frosty - a chirp for the guy who ends up wearing the surface on his sweater after his yard sale collision outside the blue catching a buddy pass.

Sully: “Eh Murph, check out Frosty the Snowman”

Murph: “Looks more like Frosty the Gitch Sniff”

9. Pine Apple (a.k.a. The Craig Frey Ghost Point) – when the vermin bench plug on your squad chisles a point from the bench.

8. Vampire Protector - a creative word for the awkward looking neck protectors squirts wear.

7. Penalty Shot- a free pass for Tommy 21st Birthday to go wheel the hot blonde at the bar with no teammate interference.

6. “It must be hard to eat without any hands.” - A classic one-line jab to an opponent whose hands are harder than the marble floor he’ll be sweeping at his nearest Sunoco.

5. Flamingo - a newly-used term to describe when a soft D-man lifts one leg and freezes, bored stiff, as a bruiser winds up a clapper.

4. Dump and Change - Term used to bring up a change to the game plan and hit up another banger.

Sully: “Hey boys there nothing here but Devils fans”

Murph: “Yeah let’s dump and change down to the bar on college street.”

3. Third Man In Rule - practically a pillar in hockey’s code of ethics, the Third Man In Rule states that one person may ask to scuz a pinch from a dipper’s tin when the soon-to-be-owner is about to take a digger of his own, but any further requests by teammates will be denied.

2. Lottery ticket. Nothing can demean a tough hockey player more than bringing up the fact that chances of him playing in a game this season aren't much higher than winning the lottery.

“Hey pal, you’ve been scratched more times than a lottery ticket.”

1. Ronny Textall - Baseball took this concept and coined it “Richie Texton” after a mediocre first basemen for the Mariners. Hockey took a washed-up, mustached, Marlboro-red-smoking Broadway Bully to quip to a Mike Heltman-esque teammate whose buried in his phone texting at all times. Would Ronny Hextall do that?

Honorable Mention: Bobby Big Wheel, Grocery Stick, Hero, Wheels on a Canoe

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