Sunday, November 29, 2009

Questionairre, Eh?

So I sent out a short questionnaire to the guys on my team... Being that they're hockey players only about half of them responded. The other half was too busy studying, working out, and going to bed early (sic: getting fucked up and playing video games).

Special note to Mio for being the first responder. Get ready for the Mio's top 10 section of this blog.

Here are the first half of the questions, followed by my favorite answers, and my own answer.

1. Which W&J Hockey graduate do you miss the most?
Mio: Clint Lang, what a beaut
Crockett: Bob Rose
Chef Sav: Bryan Colligan, because he never stopped talking
Dugan: Chad
Masters: Jeff Cobb
Krot: Beitler
DT: Chad
Stryff: Jed

I'll go with one guy per year: 2007 = Bob Rose, 2008 = Craig Frey, 2009 = Mario Panucci
Although 2008 was a hell of a year with the likes of Frey, Beaner, Moose, Gootz, and Jed

2. Which W&J Hockey defect do you miss the most?'
Mio: Dan Gagne, what a derelict
Crockett: Do I qualify as a defect? If not, Eric Sweeney
Chef Sav: Smalls
Dugan: Gagne
Masters: Tyler Learn
Krot: Gagne
DT: Bronder because he was so fucking cool
Stryff: I don't know what "defect" means

My choice? Difficult call here, we've had so many greats, between Doaker, Fordo, Tits, Tyler, Smalls, Gags. I'd have to go with either Minskoff or Tyler Learn

3. If you could skate on a line with one W&J hockey graduate, who would it be and why?
Mio: Clint and Gootz. Mio I was gonna chirp you for naming 2 people, but then I realized those guys can be considered 1.
Krot: Mario Panucci, because then I'd always be mentioned in the headline of the "Unofficial W&J Hockey Website, no matter how bad I played. Well played, sir.
Stryff: Moose Langer. I feel that if my wheels and his confidence hit the surface, magicwould be made, and panties would be thrown carelessly by adoring vixens.

My choice? Probably Chad. Every time we were on the ice together our team scored. Some kind of accidental chemistry.

4. If you could skate on a line with one W&J hockey defect, who would it be and why?
Mio: Anyone but Siegel
Crockett: Smalls because we would complement each other nicely
Masters: Crockett because he'd make up for my lack of speed and skills with his hockey grandeur
Stryff: I still don't know what "defect" means

I'd have to go with Doak here. He'd add some comic relief to my game by allowing me the chance to hear a lot of growling out there. Plus I'd get a lot of breaks mid-shift due to his lofty injury totals.

5. Who is the funniest player on the squad and why?
Mio: As much as I hate to say it, Stryff. But don't tell anyone
Chef Sav: Stryff because of his chirps
Masters: Stryff has great comebacks and is rather witty, however I feel that my grotesque and twisted sense of humor has a greater laughter coefficient than his.
Krot: Stryff because he thinks his chest flow looks good
Stryff: Masters or Dugan. Quite possibly Mio. We got a bunch of Joey Jokesters on our squad.

Stryff is hilarious, yes. But so is Mio. And Luch. Dugan has his moments. Chim has some good ones as well. I'm a pretty funny MF'er as well. Crockett is hilarious. I'd go with the whole team here. Sum up everyone's funniest quality and you have quite a sight.

6. Who has the best flow on the squad?
Dugan: I'd say Stryff, but his head won't fit through the door, so Masters.
Crockett: Davy Crockett
Penkrot: Mike Penkrot
Mio: Anyone but Stryff of Ship
DT: Jim Driscoll
Stryff: Mio or myself. Let's get real here.
It's a tough one here. Krot has had some excellent flow lately. Mine usually looks pretty excellent. Crockett and Rich have their good flow days. Mio and Stryff have dirt flow at all times. I guess for most frequent flow I'd have to say Mio, and best flow (when at it's best) I'd say Krot.

7. Who has the best body on the squad?
The Joey Jokesters came to play on this question.
Chef Sav: Shipper
Dugan: Hands down, Eli
Masters: Eli, hands down
Krot: Tanger
DT: Shipper
Stryff: No homo, but Eli and Tanger take this one. Those guys are foxes.

I can see how my chisseled upper body in combination with my boyish good looks would facilitate my mention in this answer. I'd have to think about my answer long and hard. I'd either go with Shipper for his Holocaust-like allure or Tang for his Grinch-like figure. Note: My permanent inner tube from last year would have been mentioned here, however it has since deflated.

Second half of the questionnaire later.

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Last Rodeo

I'd like to take a moment to talk about my last career hockey road trip (Beer League Tourneys excluded here).

Friday morning, the lads embarked on a trip to Niagara University. Apparently, however, the hockey gods started thanksgiving break a little bit early. In what some all W&J's worst performance of the decade, we were shit on by Niagara, final score of 5-1. Let's just say that Niagara's players were more wobbly than a 3-legged dog. They made IUP look like the Detroit Red Wings. Anyway, all we could really do after the game was laugh at ourselves and try to hide our feelings of embarrassment.

The highlight of the night was when Mr. Duggan's parents dropped off milk and cookies for us in the locker room. Add oatmeal cookies with craisins and white chocolate morsels to my list of favorite foods please.

Back in the hotel, it was already late so we couldn't do much. I crashed in the room with my regular roadie roommates, Gezz and Chim. I lost rock-paper-scissors again, and had to share a bed with Chim. Oh well, nice senior bonding for our last rodeo. I thought it was about time to hit the hay when I was surprised by two of my teammates enjoying their first career rippers. What a sight. Quote of the night: "I keep getting hit with waves of heat and then non heat". Shot the shit with the guys for a couple more hours before calling it a night.

The next day, we were on a mission. We wanted to destroy the Niagara clowns, due in part to some brutal Hockey 101 chirpage. Well we did exactly that, with our roster of 11 (they had more healthy scratches then we had players). We scored a touchdown and Tang kicked the extra point. He looked like Nigel Gruff out there, kicking PAT's while rippin heaters. The score could have been a lot worse had we not held back late in the game.

Niagara's clown coach made his best Herb Brooks imitation by keeping his players on the ice for a bag skate after the game. Needless to say team enforcer Joe Michelucci (my blog's first and only follower) was ready, camera-in-hand. Youtube video to follow. Hockey 101 thread to follow. Overall the funniest/stupidest thing I have ever seen is to watch a bunch of purple-clad clowns bend their ankles up and down the ice for 10 minutes after a thorough ass pounding from a team with 1/3 the roster size. Awesome.

More tomorrow. Coming soon: Mio's top 10. A new addition to the blog. All I have to say is beware, Gongshow.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Dealing with the Jitters

Nothing like the feeling of waking up the morning of a game. You go through the entire day in somewhat of a fog, with the game looming in the back of your mind no matter what you do. It's really hard to concentrate on anything else other than the thought of the first sound of rubber slapping against frozen water at 9:00 that evening. All day long, you are jittery, nervous, excited, preoccupied, etc.

Here's what I do to try to deal with those jitters. I'm sure I'm not alone on some of these things.

8:02am - First alarm goes off
8:47am - Finally decide to get out of bed after 10 snooze hits
8:49am - Shower, but don't shave. I never shave on game days
9:01am - Mess around on the internet for a bit, watch some hockey highlights from the night before
9:17am - Grab a quick breakfast, usually eggs and toast, bacon if i'm lucky, OJ and water
9:30am - Go to classes (depending on the day)

12:00pm - Classes end
12:31pm - Lunch. Usually a LOT of carbs and protein, and a TON of water
1:00pm - lay down in bed, watch Yes Dear or The King of Queens, eventually fall asleep for a nap

3:02pm - First alarm goes off
3:32pm - Finally get out of bed after 7 snooze hits
3:33pm - Mess around on the internet again, usually watch some hockey clips or read hockey articles. For me, these days are all about hockey
3:49pm - Do something physical like walk, run, or hit the bike for a few minutes
4:13pm - Look up the opponent on the internet. Player stats, game results, etc.
4:24pm - Quick rinse in the shower

5:00pm - Dinner with the teammates. I generally will eat 2 pieces of pizza, 2 hard boiled eggs, a banana, and a bagel with peanut butter, with a ton of water. I always grab at least 2 more bananas to go, for before and during the game
5:43pm - Relax on my bed while listening to pre-game tunes
6:15pm - Shower. I find that showering helps to relax me on game days. Which is why I do it 3 times before I leave and once more at the rink 30 minutes before warmups.
6:28pm - Get my suit on. Look good, feel good, play good. Also pack what I need for the game
6:43pm - Start walking to my car. I like to be at the rink at least 2 hours before the game to prepare myself.

I have found that this is generally the best way for me to keep myself relaxed on the day of the game. Nevermind the fact that I visualize about 5o different scenarios on the ice in my mind over and over and try to prepare to how I will respond. I try to keep this routine the same almost every game. Those that know me know I am superstitious to a fault.

More tomorrow. Time to rest. Game tomorrow night (Will follow the protocol above).

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I Went to a Fight the Other Night, And a Hockey Game Broke Out

Here are some famous hockey quotes that epitomize the game quite nicely. No rankings. Just random.

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
-Rodney Dangerfield

"All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and Profanity."
-Gordie Howe

"Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept."
-Doug Larson

"Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records."

"I'm not dumb enough to be a goalie."
-Brett Hull

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my fucking clothes."
-Stu Grimson, on why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker

"Yeah, I'm cocky and I'm arrogant. But that doesn't mean I'm not a nice person."
-Jeremy Roenick

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


One more post before bed.

I realize any of you non-hockey players out there probably scratch your head at half the stuff I say. Well, I'm not going to explain a lot of the terms I use. I'm writing this blog like a hockey player, and I'm going to talk like one. If you think about it, you can probably figure most of it out anyway. Feel free to ask questions. You may or may not be answered.

Sorry for yelling.

Upcoming post next week some time will include teammate surveys. That'll be a fun one.

Home Away From Home

Finally more on the locker room. Sorry for the delay, i have been absolutely swamped. This is the Pens locker room on a road trip.

The locker room. It's a place to laugh. It's a place to joke. It's a place to get pumped. It's a place to get clean. It's a place for cliches. It really is a "multi-purpose facility".

The amount of time a hockey player spends in the locker room of the home barn throughout the season is definitely significant. The guys start filing in about an hour before practice and two or more hours before games. Sometimes, we even stay and hang out an hour after practice ends.

What exactly goes on in there on practice days? Well, "what happens in the locker room stays in the locker room". So obviously I can't go into specifics. But a general idea: We show up and talk it up about last weekend's banger over at Murph's place and who did what crazy shit. Next? Everyone gets a few chirps in on each other for laughs. We will put some tunes on, and some guys will throw in a ripper. The conversation continues while we start putting on our gear. Usually its pretty relaxed on practice days. Then coach will say a few words, and we'll get ready to hit the ice. Afterwards, some bonding time after a nice workout on the ice. Conversations about what flick to watch that night or where to meet for a couple sodas. Tunes are still playing in the background, usually some mellow stuff. Post-practice rippers. Then we hit the showers. The only place where 20 naked dudes can be in a 4x4 area and not be gay. (this only applies to hockey players). After getting fresh, we usually hit up sheetz for a Renegade or a Schmuffin, then on to do whatever.

For most of us, the best time of the day are those 2 or 3 hours we spent at the rink with our teammates. It's an escape from all the shit life pours on you during the day. There's nothing like sittin in the room after a tough practice with your 20 best friends, throwing in a ripper, listening to some tunes, bullshitting about everything.

More later. It's late.